what is a man?
its not the size of his dick or his bank account
or how many women he's fucked.
its the calmness in his eyes when everything's fucked.
when the rent's due and the woman's left and the doctor says
it's cancer and the car won't start and it's raining.
when everything inside him is screaming and breaking
and he just lights another cigarette
and says
"i'll figure it out"
most people crack like eggs.
they get one rejection letter and they're done.
the girlfriend leaves and they write sad poems for three years.
the boss yells at them and they go home and kick the dog.
you can easily poke at him and he'll get depressed and would want to kill himself
not this guy.
this guy's different.
he knows the secret….
life's going to keep hitting you
and hitting you
and hitting you
until you're dead.
that's the deal.
that's what you signed up for by being born.
you're going to get fucked.
repeatedly.
from angles you didn't know existed.
life's going to sucker punch you while you're taking a piss.
your woman will leave you for someone uglier.
your boss will fire you on Christmas eve.
so you can either cry about it
or you can learn to take a punch.
I've worked shit jobs for shit people
I've been so broke I ate cat food
I've buried friends
I've woken up not knowing what city I was in.
I've been left by women who swore they loved me
then went to jail,
thousands of dollars down.
and you know what?
I'm still here.
still typing.
still drinking.
still laughing at this whole ridiculous circus.
because here's what the self help books won't tell you..
you don't need to be happy.
happiness is for children and idiots.
happiness is a two-dollar whore that leaves you before morning
you wake up and she’s taken your wallet
and left you with nothing but disease
all you need is to put one foot in front of the other
regardless of inspiration nor motivation
one foot
then another
in the dark
no map
no guarantee
that's not struggling
that's literally how
everyone who ever mattered
made it through
you're not special
in your suffering
keep walking
fail more, fail faster
hell, I've failed at everything.
but every failure taught me something
how to hurt less the next time.
how to expect less.
how to find beauty in a crushed beer can
or a dying flower
or a woman's laugh at 3am.
the best mental model is
everyone's fighting something.
everyone's tired.
everyone's pretending they know what they're doing.
nobody has the answers.
we're all going to die.
once you accept that,
really accept it,
deep in your guts,
you're free.
free to fail.
free to try.
free to not give a shit about looking stupid.
free to love the wrong people.
free to write bad poems.
free to drink too much on a Tuesday.
free to tell your boss to fuck off.
free to start over at 50.
or 60.
or 70.
the storm isn't going to pass.
the storm is life.
you're going to die wet and cold and confused.
but between now and then?
you might see something beautiful.
you might help some other poor bastard.
you might create something that matters.
or you might not.
rain dance
I watched a kid
eat shit on the sidewalk
seven times
blood on his knees
and each time he got up
he laughed harder
that little bastard knew something
we forgot around age 12
when they taught us to be serious
when they taught us to be afraid
the storm isn't passing, you little bitch
it's here until they put you
in that box
so you might as well
learn to dance drunk
in the rain
with your dick out
singing off-key
either way,
you keep moving.
you find humor in the horror.
when the landlord's banging on the door,
you put on a funny voice and pretend you're not home.
when the doctor gives you bad news,
you ask if it'll help you lose weight.
when everything's burning down,
you roast marshmallows.
because what else are you going to do?
give up?
that's boring.
and if there's one sin in this world,
it's being boring.
I knew a guy once,
worked at the factory with me.
lost his arm in the machinery.
you know what he said when they were loading him
into the ambulance?
"guess I'll have to jerk off with my left now"
what a fucking G
that's a man.
not because he was tough.
but because he refused to let life
have the last laugh.
the clown
when dread knocks
at 3am
and you're out of
courage
faith
hope
money
friends
options
send out the clown
sometimes
that laughing bastard
is the only one
crazy enough
to win
real gratitude
any idiot can be thankful
for good things
real gratitude
is saying "thank you"
to the punch
that knocked out your tooth
because now you know
to keep your
guard up
tuesday
we're all tired
so what?
tired is baseline
exhausted is normal
overwhelmed is tuesday
the difference between
winners and losers?
winners move anyway
losers wait to feel better
(they die waiting)
maybe there is no "good life"
maybe there's just
the fight,
and the moments of peace in between rounds,
and a good drink,
and a story to tell about the scars.
and maybe,
just maybe,
that's enough
real mindfulness
mindfulness isn't
sitting on a mountain
humming ommmm
it's watching your mind
lose its shit during crisis
and not adding fuel
it's being the cameraman
filming your own disaster
detached
taking notes
mercy killing
kill your old self
tonight
with prejudice
that comfortable bastard
is the only thing
between you and who
you could be
murder is sometimes
mercy
the truth is sooo fucking simple brother
we're meat.
confused meat with delusions of grandeur.
but sometimes,
just sometimes,
that meat does something beautiful.
writes a song.
saves a kid.
makes someone laugh when they want to die.
that's enough.
that's more than enough.
so stop waiting for it to get easier.
it won't.
stop waiting to feel ready.
you won't.
stop waiting for the perfect moment.
it doesn't exist.
just get up.
pour another drink.
light another cigarette.
and keep walking through the storm.
with calm eyes.
even when everything's broken.
especially then.
that's all there is.
that's all there ever was.
and if you can laugh while you're doing it?
if you can find one beautiful thing in all this mess?
one moment where it all makes sense?
then you've won.
whatever winning means.
now
get out of here.
go fail at something.
go get your heart broken.
go make a fool of yourself.
and when it all goes wrong,
when you're lying in the gutter,
looking up at the stars,
remember to laugh.
this is the guaranteed win